Adams Down Under

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Parental Abuse? You decide!

Evidence:
The weapon allegedly used to strike the brutal blow. It is itself a symbol of violence as the so-called “child” hammers away at a series of wooden pegs.



Victim:
36 years old, Caucasian male, 6’1”, 180 pounds, thinning blond hair, one hazel eye, one black-and-blue eye


Perpetrator:
14 months old, Caucasian female, 25 pounds, wispy blond hair, bright blue eyes


Crime scene:
Living room floor, 7am, Friday morning.

Testimonies:
“I was minding my own business while exercising Friday morning. I try to do this so that when my children are teenagers, I’m not too flabby to lay down the law. I think I was in the middle of doing sit-ups, but I can’t be sure as my memory of the events leading up to the assault are a bit foggy due to the strength of the blow. What I do recall is a crazed attack from a giant baby with blood in her eye! And then everything went blank. When I awoke, I had blood in my own eye.”

“Now I know it looks bad for me, because I had just given Dad quite a fight during my morning diaper change, but I honestly wasn’t holding a grudge. I just wanted to play. He had a bright red face from sitting up and down on the floor. He always gets a bright red face when he does this and I think it’s funny. I just got caught up in all the excitement and threw my toy. I didn’t mean to hit him in the eye. Honest. I’m innocent I tell you. Innocent!”

You Decide!
If proven guilty, Célia must give her father at least one hug and kiss per day for the next 20 years, with no time off for good behavior.

If proven innocent Célia Marie requests, “Play with me on demand. And a cookie. I want a cookie every day.”

Now that you have been presented with the evidence, what is the verdict? Is Célia Marie guilty as charged or is this simply a case of in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time? Do you consign her to 20 years hard labor or does she get her play and cookie time?

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